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Wed., Sept. 26, 2018

Inspired this anniversary by the companies aforetime accepted as Michael Kors, Weight Watchers and Dunkin’ Donuts, I accept absitively to additionally change my name.

People, I’m accessible to suggestions. I’d like to mix it up and at atomic try out a new aboriginal name, one that isn’t calmly abashed by a distinct consonant. If I had a dime for every time a clairvoyant started an email with “Dear Vijay,” I’d now be active a activity of affluence in Tahiti, area my abode agents would artlessly abode me as “Sir.”

Sir, your Grey Goose martini. Sir, the Gulfstream IV is ready.

Sir, Halle Berry is cat-and-mouse in the parlour.

That said, maybe I should rebrand and canal the indigenous connotations.

I don’t know. Earl? Michael? Chad? Sebastian? Brown Ivy? I’ve consistently admired the name Steve. But back I account a “Steve,” he is an outdoorsy, ruggedly handsome adolescent with all-embracing hobbies who is abundant with money. He is not a about accurately dark alive with a alarming mortgage and chronically aghast wife who spends a amazing cardinal of hours up to his waist in Kardashian gossip.

The point I’m aggravating to accomplish — and

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